Number 1s of 2009: 8 November 2009

The X-Factor continues to bestride the charts like a colossus. As a Saturday night ratings juggernaut, the show simply has a profile that the rest of the music industry can't match. And so, once again, it's an X-Factor-related number one.



That's JLS, "Everybody in Love." The official video isn't embeddable, so I've gone with their appearance on the X-Factor results show a couple of weeks ago. If you want to see the video, here's the link, but it's nothing especially memorable.

As British readers will know, and the rest of you might recall, JLS were the runners up in last year's show. Simon Cowell has an option to sign all X-Factor finalists, but to general surprise he passed on JLS. They duly signed to Epic instead, and their debut single "Beat Again" was number one for two weeks back in July. "Everybody in Love" reportedly sold more. I can only assume that's because they got to promote it on the X-Factor - they may not be one of Simon Cowell's acts, but as finalists who have moved on to legitimate success, they're still valuable to the show.

It surely can't be because of the single itself, which is such treacly nonsense that it reminds me of Blazin' Squad. If you don't know them, Blazin' Squad were a fantastically ludicrous ten-teenager pop-rap squadron who had a brief spurt of success in Britain during 2002 with some thoroughly mediocre and unbelievably overpopulated singles. Here they are in action. This seemed like a good idea to somebody at the time.



Back to JLS. If you're feeling generous, you could actually credit them with a third number one: "Hero", the charity single for war veterans which the X-Factor Finalists released last November. British viewers may enjoy watching the video and trying to remember what they were all called. The show is doing another charity single this year, so all the finalists are guaranteed a technical number one later in the month.

Just how much does X-Factor affect the charts at this time of year? Well, the previous number one was "Fight for this Love" by judge Cheryl Cole, which spent two weeks at the top and has apparently already shifted half a million copies. And before her, there was "Bad Boys" by Alexandra Burke, the 2008 winner. So that's three consecutive number ones all generated by the show. Leona Lewis has a new single out this week, and after that there's the 2009 charity single - so chances are they'll make it a straight five. Meanwhile, Cole has also picked up a number one album.

And because album track downloads count as singles sales, every week the show seems to spawn at least one spontaneous hit, as people suddenly realise they always wanted to own the original of a song that one of the contestants covered. This week, it's "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey, which is currently sitting at number 19. It didn't even chart in Britain on its original release in 1981.

Down at number 32, there's even "You Should Have Known" by Laura White, a 2008 finalist who got knocked out in week five. It's not that bad, actually, but it's missing something.

The show is still raking in publicity thanks to the last remaining group, Irish twins John & Edward, whose near-total lack of anything resembling conventional talent continues to divide audiences, depending on how seriously they take the show. Actually, to be fair, they're getting slightly better - which is to say, recent performances have been within spitting distance of the right key. This week, common sense finally seemed to catch up with them, though, as they found themselves in the bottom two, and regaled audiences with this gleefully cackhanded rendition of "Rock DJ."



They were up against Lucie Jones, who can actually sing, and must naturally have felt confident, given that Simon Cowell's spent the last few weeks telling the papers that it would be a catastrophe if John & Edward won the show. And so, of course, that's not what happened. Note the point at about 1:40 where it suddenly dawns on Lucie that she's about to get screwed. Cue howls of viewer outrage.

Simon Cowell is an awesome, awesome heel. The WWE could learn so much from him.

Number 1s of 2009: 25 October 2009

It's hard to overstate just how much The X-Factor dominates the charts at this time of year. For the benefit of the Americans reading, The X-Factor is the show that replaced Pop Idol a few years ago. It's essentially the same format with a few tweaks. The main difference is that The X-Factor has four categories - boys 16-24, girls 16-24, 25+ and groups - and four judges, each "mentoring" their own category.

You can't buy the individual performances from week to week, but that doesn't stop people going off and downloading songs that they saw on the show. And they do, in quantities that suggest a lot of X-Factor viewers are evidently not being exposed to music through any other channel. Two proper acts perform on the Sunday night results show, and those slots are far and away the most effective promotion a single can have in the UK.

Last week, the 2008 winner Alexandra Burke entered at number one with her first single proper (not counting her coronation release). It was the fastest selling single of the year. I wondered whether that might be bad news for X-Factor judge Cheryl Cole, who released her own solo debut this week. But she evidently didn't need to worry. The British public love Cheryl Cole. She practically matched Burke's weekly total in her first day.






So, that's Cheryl Cole, "Fight for this Love." (The YouTube version is here.)

Cole is a member of Girls Aloud, the girl band who were formed on Popstars: The Rivals in 2002. The original idea was to form two groups - one male, one female - who would battle it out for the Christmas number one. This shouldn't have worked. After all, it meant taking whoever came first, second, third, fourth and fifth in a talent show. And for the boys, it didn't work - One True Voice crashed and burned after two singles.

Girls Aloud, however, were given decent material and went on seven years and counting of legitimate success in the UK and Ireland. Even the reviewers generally like them. Curiously, they've never managed to translate that into success overseas. But against all expectations, they survived and thrived.

Cheryl Tweedy was 19 when she joined the group. She nearly managed to screw things up almost immediately when, in 2003, she was done for assaulting a nightclub toilet attendant. (She claimed self-defence.) After this rocky start to her career, she ended up marrying footballer Ashley Cole in 2006 and starting a sort of parallel career as a fashion icon.

Her solo career has clearly been in the works for a while. Girls Aloud can't go on forever - seven years is a long career by the standards of most pop groups, let alone reality TV girl bands. She joined X-Factor as a judge last year, and also put in a guest appearance on the UK version of will.i.am's single, "Heartbreaker", which got to number 4 last year.

Cheryl Cole isn't the greatest of singers, but she's a star in Britain. And I quite like the single. Musically, at least, it's a grower. Now, lyrically, on the other hand, it's thoroughly uninspired - I honestly think this may be a song where literally every single lyric is a cliche. Verse two is dreadful. And the video's all over the place - I almost expect to be hauled into a focus group at the end and questioned on which look I prefer. At least when she did it on the X-Factor results show, they picked a strong visual and ran with it (even if it's a stupid costume). But she's clearly got nothing to worry about so far as her British sales are concerned.

If you count her Girls Aloud output (and the will.i.am record), this is Cole's top 40 single, and her fifth number 1. Rather disappointingly, the four Girls Aloud number 1s are their debut "Sound of the Underground", a mediocre cover version of "I'll Stand By You", an equally mediocre charity cover version of "Walk This Way" with the Sugababes, and last year's "The Promise." But in a seven year career, they've never had a single peak below 11 - unless you count "Theme to St Trinians", the theme to last year's St Trinian's movie, which wasn't technically a single but did have a video, and crept into the lower end of the chart at number 51. It's a very strange record, not least because it seems to have been produced by complete amateurs (their voices all tail off separately at the end of each line). Actually, being part of the St Trinians revival, it's just a very strange record generally.

In Britain, X-Factor performances aren't available to download. There are good reasons for that. They'd count as singles, so they'd clog up the whole chart. And Simon Cowell doesn't want that, because (a) it'd spoil the coronation single, and (b) he has other acts he wants to promote in the run-up to Christmas. What we get instead is people downloading the songs that are performed on the show. This week's winner: "Hurt" by Christina Aguilera, spontaneously re-entering the chart at number 25.

The most perversely entertaining aspect of the show this year, though, is the state of the Groups category. Relying as they do on pre-existing groups to audition, the X-Factor always has to pad out this category appallingly. But rarely as badly as this year, where Louis Walsh ended up putting through a group of ex-strippers (voted out in week one), a passable group assembled by the production team from the cast-offs of the girls' category (voted out in week three), and John and Edward, Irish twins so unremittingly awful that even the famously adoring studio audience has been known to boo them. But there are enough malicious voters out there to keep them in the show week after week. As they keep surviving more deserving contestants, they're bordering on being a full-blown heel act. Hopefully they get the joke. Still, the sight of this duo as the last group standing is perversely entertaining.

Number 1s of 2009: 18 October 2009

This one's so predictable, I wrote most of it yesterday...

It's a two horse race this week, but not a very close one. The new number one single is Alexandra Burke featuring Flo Rida, "Bad Boys". The video is here, but it's not embeddable, so instead we'll go with her appearance on the X-Factor results show last week, which is.



Alexandra Burke was the X-Factor winner in 2008, and already picked up her first number one over Christmas with her coronation single "Hallelujah." In the early years of the show, X-Factor winners would bang out a rushed covers album in the spring, which didn't exactly do wonders for the show's mystique, but at least enabled Simon Cowell to get some money out of unpromising winners like Steve Brookstein. More recently, the winners have disappeared for nine months and made a proper debut album, released to coincide with the next year's series of X-Factor. And so "Bad Boys" sees Burke shoot comfortably to number one with her first "proper" single.

As with 2007 winner Leona Lewis, the record company are clearly trying to make her trans-Atlantic. The video is obviously intended to look American. And they've roped in Flo Rida, who evidently isn't very picky about his guest appearances. (Technically, by the way, this gives Flo Rida his second number one single, following "Right Round" in March.) At the same time, though, they want to hang on to the X-Factor audience, and that's a tricky balancing act. The paradox of shows like X-Factor is that they select a new pop star on the basis of the votes of people who generally don't buy records anyway. And so we end up with "Bad Boys", a record that can't quite seem to make up its mind whether it's a cheerful pop ditty or a bid for urban credibility.

Nonetheless, it's number one by a margin of over 2 to 1. Tailing in at number 2 is "Bodies", the comeback single by Robbie Williams.




Robbie Williams left Take That in 1995 for a hugely successful solo career, in which he made some records that were genuinely very good, and some that were hopelessly self-absorbed. Though he never managed to break North America, he's a big star around Europe. Meanwhile, the rest of Take That disbanded shortly after he left, and saw their solo careers fizzle out. So when the group reformed in 2006, Robbie Williams decided not to bother joining them.

And then a reversal of fortunes took place. The Take That reunion turned out to be a bigger success than anyone had anticipated. Meanwhile, Robbie released his most self-indulgent and uncommercial album to date, "Rudebox", which pretty much bombed. These things are relative. It still went double platinum in the UK. But that's less than half the sales of any of his previous albums. And in fairness, the reviews of "Rudebox" were mixed rather than negative. The NME liked it. But whoever thought the title track was in any way, shape or form a good choice of single needed their head examined.

With "Bodies", he's returning to epic pop anthem territory, which was always his strong suit. The verse isn't exactly instant, though, and his own performance on the X-Factor was widely panned. Understandably so. It's the sort of thing you can get away before an adoring stadium who want to sing along themselves, but not when you're promoting a new single to people who've never heard it before. They've already gone into damage control mode over it. But it's better on record, and a number 2 placing isn't bad.

Besides which, with 90,000 copies sold, "Bodies" would have been a number one single in most weeks. Unfortunately, somebody decided to release it head to head with the fastest selling single of 2009.

It'll be interesting to see how well Alexandra Burke's sales hold up in her second week. Next week's biggest release is the solo debut of Cheryl Cole from Girls Aloud, who is also a judge on X-Factor. Obviously, she's meant to go straight in at number one as well. But up against the fastest selling single of the year, that might be a tough one.

Number 1s of 2009: 11 October 2009

Taio Cruz finally interrupted the hectic weekly turnover of number one singles, by hanging around for three weeks. But here we go again...



That's Chipmunk, "Oopsy Daisy." He's eighteen, and he's yet another in this year's parade of UK grime/urban acts bailing out of their genre in search of mainstream pop success. See also Tinchy Stryder, Dizzee Rascal and Taio Cruz, all of whom had number one hits this year while more or less abandoning any pretence of underground credibility in the process.

Chipmunk was being touted as the next big star of UK rap not so long ago, on the strength of mix tapes and the like. He's actually been making videos for longer than he's been releasing singles (full-scale releases, at least). He used to sound more like this.



"Oopsy Daisy" is his first number one, but his fourth chart appearance of the year. His first "official" single, "Chip Diddy Chip", made number 21 in March, and it's probably as close as any of his commercial releases have got to his roots. Of course, it also has a video showing him in school uniform, not to mention a baffling guest appearance by the ever-irritating Tim Westwood. "Diamond Rings" reached number 6 in July. He also crops up on the number 3 hit "Tiny Dancer", which, thanks to sampling issues, bears the unlikely artist credit of "DJ Ironik featuring Chipmunk and Elton John."

The uncredited singer, by the way, is Dayo Olatunji, who clearly needs better representation, since she seems to be on more of the record than he is.

With Chipmunk at number one, Britain's third-biggest girl band have to settle for the number two spot. "Forever Is Over" is the lead single from the Saturdays' second album, and sees them moving away from their previous synthpop records to autotuned mid-Atlantic mediocrity. Supposedly it's a song that Kelly Clarkson rejected - it certainly sounds like one. You can see the video here, but I think I'll run instead with last year's number 5 hit "Up", since it's actually quite good. (Non-embeddable YouTube version here.)


The Saturdays - Up

The SaturdaysMySpace Music Videos

"Forever Is Over" is the Saturdays' second number 2 single, and their fifth top 10 hit in only two years. But the number 1 slot continues to elude them.

Next week, we're guaranteed another new number one, as the release schedules ramp up again. Specifically, it's a race between the first proper single by 2008 X-Factor winner Alexandra Burke, and the comeback single from Robbie Williams. As of right now, Burke is winning hands down...

Number 1s of 2009: 20 September 2009

The rapid turnover continues, with yet another new number one. Actually, a new number one was virtually inevitable this week, because Pixie Lott's "Boys and Girls" crashed to number 6 in its second week on sale. That's not a good sign for her; that's what happens to records that are selling on the strength of the hype, but aren't gathering any momentum through word of mouth.

Or here's the YouTube version. (DailyMotion code seems to be crashing Blogger today, for some reason.) Anyway, it's Taio Cruz, "Break Your Heart."

Cruz is from London, with Brazilian and Nigerian parents. Not that you'd know it from the video, which seems determined to convince us that he's from Miami. One of the chart themes of this year has been London R&B acts cheerfully throwing credibility to the winds and making an unabashed bid for mainstream success, and Cruz is the latest in line. It's a perfectly decent pop song, but very much aimed at daytime radio.

This is the lead single from his second album, but it's his seventh top 40 hit. Until now, his biggest hit was technically "Take Me Back", a not entirely dissimilar Tinchy Stryder single where he did guest vocals, and which reached number 3 earlier in the year. As a solo artist, though, his biggest hit was "Come On Girl", which got to number 5 last year. The guest vocalist on that track is Luciana, and since it's frankly much more interesting, here's another of her tracks - "Yeah Yeah" by Bodyrox, which got to number 2 in 2006.




Judging from iTunes, Cruz is actually likely to hold on for a second week - his main challenger being "Empire State of Mind", a Jay-Z album track which isn't even officially out as a single. He's been playing it on TV shows to promote the album, though, which might explain why downloaders are homing in on it. It's currently sitting at number 15.

Oh, and it's worth noting that "Celebration" by Madonna made it to number 3. This is the token new track from an upcoming greatest hits compilation, her third, and it's met with a rather lukewarm reception in Britain, to the point where Radio 1 haven't even bothered playlisting it - perhaps understandable, as her last official single, "Miles Away", only just scraped the top 40, bombing out at number 39. In America, it became her first single to miss the Billboard Hot 100 since 1983. Evidently that was an anomaly. "Celebration" is pretty mediocre - particularly in the original Paul Oakenfold mix; the video uses a slightly more interesting Benny Benassi remix - but the fanbase is still there for it.

Number 1s of 2009: 30 August, 6 September and 13 September 2009

Something of a backlog has built up while I was away. The turnover of number one singles has been exceptionally high this year. Record companies seem to have finally got the measure of the new chart system, and figured out that they'd rather release several singles before an album comes out, thus ensuring control of the release date, and making sure they can build up anticipation more effectively, instead of having it spread over several weeks of sales.

So we've had a string of records, each spending a week at number one. In fact, this makes the seventh straight week that the number one single has changed - though to be fair, that includes the Black Eyed Peas returning to the top with "I Gotta Feeling." (And it's also worth noting that the same acts are cropping up repeatedly. There have been 21 number one singles so far this year, but from only 15 different artists.)

This is the sort of thing we used to have in the days before download sales were included, when the charts had insane levels of turnover. But the rest of the chart remains fairly steady; most of these single-week number ones are duly sticking around for months. It's all a bit odd, and I'm intrigued to see how this is going to settle down.

Anyway. Three more to add to the list.



Dizzee Rascal featuring Chrome, "Holiday" (30 August to 6 September). Remember when Dizzee Rascal was the voice of the grim, urban underclass? Well, now he's soundtracking Club 18-30 holidays, apparently. I've got no problem with his decision to go or a more commercial sound, but this isn't the most inspired thing he's ever done, to put it mildly.

This is Dizzee Rascal's third number one, all of which came after his shift to commercial dance music, and it gives him a total of eleven top 40 singles. As you might have guessed from the eighties retro feel, it's a Calvin Harris production job. Harris also appeared on Dizzee's first number one, "Dance Wiv Me" (2008); he doesn't get a credit on this single, presumably because he doesn't sing. According to Wikipedia, he originally pitched the song to the Saturdays, who rejected it. Oops. Harris had a number one under his own name earlier in the year with "I'm Not Alone", so in spirit if not in technicality, this is his second number one of 2009. You see what I mean about the same names cropping up repeatedly?



Ooh, somebody new. Jay-Z featuring Rihanna & Kanye West, "Run This Town" (6 to 13 September).

As I've mentioned before, rappers tend to have patchy chart records compared to other genres - even the major names have big hits interspersed with singles that scrape the lower reaches of the chart. Jay-Z first charted in the UK in 1996, when "Dead Presidents" reached number 31, but this is his first number one as a lead artist. If you count his appearances as a featured artist , and there are swathes of them, then it's his fourth number one, following "Crazy in Love" (with Beyonce, 2003), "Deja Vu" (also with Beyonce, 2006) and "Umbrella" (with Rihanna, 2007). If you don't, then his previous biggest hits were a brace of number 2 hits - "03 Bonnie and Clyde" in 2003, and "Hard Knock Life" way back in 1998.

It's interesting to note, though, that the UK chart has been more receptive to Jay-Z than the American one. He's actually had slightly more hits in Britain, and he started charting several years earlier. I imagine this is because the American chart includes airplay, which massively penalises genres that are only suitable for some stations.

Technically this is the second single from Jay-Z's new album, "The Blueprint 3." The first was "D.O.A. (Death of Autotune)", which came out in June and failed to chart altogether. As near as I can make out, it seems to have been released in the UK solely as an online video download, which might explain that oddity. Video sales are eligible for the singles chart, but it's not an especially popular format.



(Or, if that doesn't work in your country, here's the YouTube link.) This is Pixie Lott, "Boys and Girls" (13 September 2009 to date). It's her second single and her second number one, so bonuses all round for the Mercury Records PR department.

To be honest, I've only heard this a couple of times, so maybe it'll grow on me... but my initial reaction is that it's a bit soulless and limp, and suffers badly in comparison with the music it's blatantly referencing. There's something a bit stage school about Pixie Lott, as if you're watching a well-drilled imitation of enthusiasm. I'm reminded somewhat of the early career of Billie Piper, except this time with a video director who clearly thinks fashion photography is the zenith of civilisation. I am, at this stage, singularly unconvinced that Lott has the material to back up the hype campaign.

Number 1s of 2009: 23 August 2009

It's David Guetta's year, apparently.



That's David Guetta featuring Akon, "Sexy Chick". This is Guetta's fifth top 40 hit and his second number one of the year, following "When Love Takes Over" featuring Kelly Rowland in June. He also produced the previous number one, "I Gotta Feeling" by the Black Eyed Peas. Having vastly disliked "I Gotta Feeling", I rather prefer this one. You couldn't call it subtle (and the video is thoroughly phoned in), but it's got a bit of swagger to it.

As for Akon, this is his fifteenth top 40 appearance, and his third number one. The previous two were the rather forgettable "Smack That" from November 2006, and the thoroughly ridiculous "Lonely" from May 2005. You know, the one with the speeded up chorus sampled from a Bobby Vinton single. For some reason, I've always kind of liked it - it's so brazenly absurd that it's actually rather likeable.

Interestingly, just like "When Love Takes Over", this single was rushed to market a few days ahead of schedule, when the record company realised that an independent cover version was picking up sales. This suggests that Guetta's record company either needs to get a better sense of how to time its release dates in the first place, or needs to learn how to hold its nerve.

The song is actually called "Sexy Bitch" - "Sexy Chick" is the radio edit - but for some reason, that's the title that's being used on the official chart listings. The edit is actually an interesting choice, because the word "bitch" isn't routinely cut in Britain. Perhaps they had more sensitive markets in mind (like parts of the US). But even in Britain, there's some inconsistency. There have been 12 previous top 40 singles with the word "Bitch" in the title. And they are these...

1. The Rolling Stones, "Bitch" (No 2, 1971). No video, obviously, but here's the song. This one didn't pose any problems for the radio, because it was a double A-side with "Brown Sugar."

2. Elton John, "The Bitch is Back" (No 15, 1974). Doesn't seem to have caused any problems.

3. Rod Stewart, "Ain't Love a Bitch" (No 11, 1979). Never heard of it, and the fact that there's only one video on the whole of the Internet tends to suggest it's not often called for these days. But it's a perfectly inoffensive ballad.

4. The Olympic Runners, "The Bitch" (No 37, 1979). This is the theme tune to the Joan Collins film of the same name, and frankly, the sexual politics have dated poorly. It's not a subtle record, and unlikely to be covered any time soon without heavy irony involved. Nonetheless, it clearly didn't cause any major problems at the time, because here they are doing it on Top of the Pops on primetime BBC.



5. Stevie Nicks, "Sometimes it's a Bitch" (No 40, 1991). Scraping the bottom of the charts for one week, this isn't so much long-forgotten as never-known-in-the-first-place. It's not available online - her record company is inexplicably vigilant about it.

6. Spinal Tap, "Bitch School" (No 35, 1992). I don't recall much airplay for this, but that's hardly surprising. Not only was it a comedy single, but the whole joke (as I recall) was that Spinal Tap had made this staggeringly offensive and misogynist record, which they claimed was actually about dog training and had been sadly misinterpreted. This might have worked better if anybody had bothered to include that explanation in the video. Maybe it's in the opening scene, which has obviously been cut from the YouTube version. It's not one of Spinal Tap's better efforts, to be honest. However, the same album has "The Majesty of Rock", which is brilliant.



7. The Inspiral Carpets, "Bitches Brew" (No 36, 1992). A reference to the classic Miles Davis album, of course. With hindsight, this is so much duller than I remembered. So again, I'll post something else entirely - their startling and unlikely appearance on Top of the Pops with Mark E Smith, haranguing the audience, while reading the lyric sheet.



8. Sister Bliss with Colette, "Cantgetaman, Cantgetajob (Life's a Bitch)" (No 31, 1994) I haven't heard this in years, and it's actually held up pretty well. I believe it's one of the many "New York drag queen ranting over dance beats" records made around that time (and if it isn't, it's certainly influenced by them). But it's a good one. If there was a video, I'd embed it, but clck on the link to hear it. And yes, this is the same Sister Bliss who went on to form Faithless the next year.

9. Meredith Brooks, "Bitch" (No 6, 1997). Well, obviously. This is a school-of-Alanis Morissette record which failed to generate a career for Brooks in the UK - she managed one follow-up hit, "I Need", before vanishing. In America, she was a one-hit wonder. But at least it's a memorable one hit.



10. The Prodigy, "Smack My Bitch Up" (No 8, 1997). Notorious controversy-baiting single from the Prodigy, which had a video intentionally designed to be untransmittable before the watershed. It does still get dusted off for late-night TV fairly frequently. The lyric is sampled from the Ultramagnetic MCs. Somewhat to my surprise, it's on DailyMotion, so you can see it here if you want. Caution: contains nudity and "makes-you-think-dunnit" twist ending. Emphatically not safe for work. The single was understandably banned from daytime radio, not so much for the language as the theme. (The top 40 show apparently played the B-side and didn't name the single at all.)

11. The DJ Aligator Project, "The Whistle Song (Blow My Whistle Bitch)" (No 5, 2002). It's a subtle metaphor, you see. DJ Aligator - yes, with one L - is Ali Movasat, and according to Wikipedia, he's Iranian. The radio edit changes the lyric to "Blow my whistle, baby." It's, er, energetic. Also, intensely annoying. Don't say I didn't warn you. It certainly seems to have had terrible effects on the sanity of the video director, who felt that the song would be appropriately accompanied by scenes of forced dentistry.



12. Jet, "Cold Hard Bitch" (No 34, 2004). Jet are Australian rock throwbacks who notched up a few international hits around this time before retreating back to their home country, where they're apparently still going. Their inclusion on the same list as Spinal Tap amuses me somewhat.

Number 1s of 2009: 16 August 2009

It's almost too depressing to contemplate, but... they're back.



The Black Eyed Peas, "I Gotta Feeling" already reached number one two weeks ago, before being interrupted by a Tinchy Stryder single. It turns out they've got more staying power than him, so they return for a second week. Strangely, the same thing happened with "Boom Boom Pow" earlier in the year (which, come to think of it, was likewise interrupted by a grime act making a bid for the mainstream - Dizzee Rascal's "Bonkers").

Now, the last time this happened, I posted a list of the interrupted number one singles from the last couple of decades. You'll notice that they were all from different acts (though Wyclef Jean appears on two of them). So, are the Black Eyed Peas the first act to do this twice?

No! They are not! In fact, they are in the illustrious company of Cliff Richard, with "Please Don't Tease" in 1960 and this classic from spring 1963.



Largely unknown in America, Cliff Richard was Britain's answer to Elvis Presley, in the days before we came up with the Beatles. Some of his early singles, like "Move It", actually aren't bad - though there's no getting away from the fact that he was still a blatant imitator of acts from the other side of the Atlantic.



Nonetheless, as the homegrown alternative who was actually in the country, Cliff was huge in the fifties and sixties. It gives you an idea of his chart dominance that the record which interrupted "Summer Holiday" was "Foot Tapper" by the Shadows, Cliff's own backing band. They also knocked "Please Don't Tease" off the top, with "Apache", easily the best thing embedded in this post.



Over the following decades, Cliff Richard settled into a comfortable niche as an adult entertainer, now playing largely to a small but devoted audience of women in late middle age. Nonetheless, thanks to their fanatical support, he continues to rack up hit singles, the last being "Thank You For A Lifetime", which reached number 3 last September.

The return of "I Gotta Feeling" will be a particular disappointment for the two acts who were meant to be fighting it out for number one this week. First up is Calvin Harris, with "Ready for the Weekend", entering at number 3 - the follow-up to "I'm Not Alone", a number one earlier in the year. It's not the most instant thing he's ever released, and that chorus sounds a bit generic to me, but it's actually sort of growing on me.



But for the tabloids, at least, this was supposed to be the week of Peter Andre, the Australian pop singer turned reality star turned would-be pop singer turned reality star again turned would-be pop singer again.



Hard as it may be to believe, Peter Andre was actually quite big for a while. This is his fourteenth hit single, and he has four previous number ones to his credit. Nonetheless, his career tailed off in the nineties, and for the last few years he's lived a sort of twilight existence on the fringes of proper fame, desperately trying to rekindle his career with a string of increasingly dubious TV projects. Doing I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here wasn't such a bad idea. But marrying horrific surgically enhanced glamour model and all-round taste-free zone Katie "Jordan" Price, who he met on the show, and then doing a string of low-rent reality shows with her, in which he was generally portrayed as a long-suffering halfwit, before going for the obligatory public divorce and comeback single about his own failed marriage... well, maybe that wasn't so smart.

If you're unfamiliar with Jordan, here's her own unforgettable foray into the realm of music, when she entered the UK heats of the 2005 Eurovision Song Contest, despite a near-total absence of musical talent. And yes, she is wearing a skintight pink catsuit while heavily pregnant, why do you ask? It's all very Jordan.



Caution: this video features cruelty to melody.

Number 1s of 2009: 9 August 2009

If you enjoyed Tinchy Stryder's previous single, "Number 1", which spent three weeks at the top in April and May - well, good news, because he's basically made it again!



That's Tinchy Stryder featuring Amelle, "Never Leave You". Wikipedia and the BBC News continue to describe this guy as a grime artist, and, uh, no. Grime, as I understood it, was basically an inner city UK rap movement based on dark, minimal lo-fi arrangements. "Never Leave You" is a pop song with a bit of rapping on it. Not that there's anything inherently wrong with being on the ultra-commercial wing of UK rap - it's healthy to have a spectrum. But you can't make records like this and still lay claim to underground credibility.

Stryder is a Londoner with parents from Ghana. His real name is Kwasi Danquah, and I can only imagine what names he must have rejected before settling on something like "Tinchy Stryder", which sounds like it ought to be the double-barreled surname of a character from the Ministry of Silly Walks sketch. Mind you, for all I know it's some sort of incredibly clever piece of London street argot.

Of course, he's hardly the first UK rap act to make a shameless bid for mainstream appeal. Dizzee Rascal's quite open about the fact that he's going for the mass market these days. And Chipmunk's an interesting case - a kid who was winning awards on the strength of his unsigned mix tapes, but whose full scale releases are pretty obviously meant to be a lot more radio friendly.

Anyway, this is Stryder's second number one single. The guest vocalist, by the way, is Amelle Berrabah of the Sugababes (the one who replaced Mutya Buena), making her first appearance as a solo artist. I don't see this lasting longer than a week at the top - it's already on its way down the iTunes chart, which has the Black Eyes Peas set to return to the top for a second run.

Elsewhere on this week's chart...

The next highest new entry is "Get Shaky" by the Ian Carey Project at number 10, a dance record made by an American living in Britain that did well in Australasia last year. Fun little video. Refreshingly straightforward.



Little Boots fans (and her label) can breathe a sigh of relief, as "Remedy" climbs 19 places to number 14. After "New in Town" failed to be the expected smash hit, and her album crashed in sales on its second week, there's a lot riding on this single for her - she's in serious danger of becoming the poor man's Lady Gaga, and boy, that video looks like they've been revising the budget for this project downwards. But it can still be turned round.



And finally, Polydor apparently think the market will support even more girl bands, because not content with Girls Aloud and the Saturdays, their sub-label Fascination is now trying to launch Girls Can't Catch. Awful name, isn't it? In fact, it's a rejected name that was passed over for the Saturdays, which says a lot. Their claim to fame, if you can call it that, is that one of these girls is Phoebe Brown. No? Well, she was in Hope, a girl band who were in The X-Factor two years ago, and got knocked out in week 7. "Keep Your Head Up" isn't such a bad song, but the video is dire (croquet in a scrapyard?), and its chart debut at number 26, despite a big promotional campaign, suggests to me that they're aiming for a gap in the market that doesn't exist.

Number 1s of 2009: 2 August 2009

Oh god in heaven no.



Yes, it's The Black Eyed Peas, "I Gotta Feeling."

I really don't like this record at all. Which is probably unfair, because I've never actually listened to it the whole way through... but then, that's because I can never stomach it long enough. I'm not quite sure why I find it so irritating. I'm tempted to say it's the empty-headed blandness, but then you could say that about a ton of pop and dance records that don't particularly bother me. I think maybe it's the combination of that empty-headed blandness coming from a group who continue to hold themselves out as being in some way a proper band, and who, lyrically at least, are evidently setting themselves a very low bar these days.

The Black Eyeds Peas aren't really a band any more, so much as a ringtone generator. When they tell me they've had a feeling, my initial reaction is scepticism. "An emotion? Really? Are you sure it wasn't wind?"

It's the second single from their current album, and it's climbed to number one over the course of a month, so it's not just a case of one-week hype. Some people must really like this record. I find that a bit depressing, in the same way that a lot of "live for the weekend" records seem to me like implicit accounts of an otherwise bleakly dismal life. Maybe it's just me.

This is their second number one of the year, following "Boom Boom Pow", which had two separate runs in May and June. Also, it's produced by David Guetta, who had a number one under his own name in June with "When Love Takes Over." Just to complete the sense of treadmill, the song appears to recycle a sample that Guetta previously used in his 2007 single "Love Is Gone." Which was much better.

I suspect this won't be number one for very long. It was widely predicted to top the charts last week, and ended up tailing in at number three. What's more, this was an exceptionally quiet week for new releases. The highest new entry, at number 14, was "I Made It Through The Rain" by John Barrowman - which isn't even a single. It's a track from his 2008 easy listening album "Music Music Music", which has been championed (presumably ironically, but I haven't been listening) by Radio 1 breakfast host Chris Moyles. The original version reached number 37 in 1981 for Barry Manilow.

There's no official video for it, but if you want to experience the song, you can do so here. Barrowman is an odd figure. Americans will know him (if at all) as Captain Jack from the Doctor Who spin-off Torchwood. He's actually from Glasgow, but grew up in America. The BBC adores him, which means he's developed a weirdly multifaceted career as actor, all-round entertainer, talent show judge, and game show host. As a presenter, he's... well, unsettling. There's a sort of manically intense enthusiasm combined with inappropriate bursts of shouting. I keep expecting him to pull back a curtain and reveal Batman strapped to a deathtrap. Here he is in action from his Saturday night variety showcase Tonight's The Night, a show that makes vision itself seem an unwanted curse.



Masochists will be pleased to hear that a devoted fan appears to have posted the entire series to YouTube, and I can assure you it doesn't get any better.

Number 1s of 2009: 19 July 2009

After two weeks of Cascada, and with the Michael Jackson deluge finally making its way down the charts, normal service is more or less resumed with the new number one - JLS, "Beat Again."

JLS were the runners-up in the 2008 series of The X-Factor, Simon Cowell's Pop Idol clone. The main difference is that X-Factor allows vocal groups to enter. But of course, it's a lot easier to find a decent undiscovered singer than four decent undiscovered singers who've already had the motivation to form a band - so generally, the groups don't do very well. And besides, it's harder to get a human interest angle in a four-piece - so the groups are even more screwed than that. In fact, in six years, they've never won. JLS, however, put up a fairly strong showing, coming in second behind Alexandra Burke (whose coronation single "Hallelujah" was the Christmas number one last year).

In theory, "JLS" stands for "Jack the Lad Swing." In practice, everybody seems to acknowledge that this is a truly dreadful name which must never be spoken of again.

Reaching the final of the X-Factor without winning has not generally led to chart success. By the time the runners-up release their own records, everyone's largely forgotten about them - and Simon Cowell has first refusal on their contracts. The other 2008 finalist was intolerable underage muppet Eoghan Quigg; his album came out a couple of months ago to reviews that weren't so much scathing as horrified, and lead single "28,000 Friends" failed to chart in Britain. (The album did okay in his native Ireland... for a week.) Until now, the only non-winner to have a number 1 hit was Chico Slimani, who topped the charts for two weeks in March 2006 with "It's Chico Time." But he was a novelty act, and that burned out pretty quickly too. Oh, and there's pop-classical singer Rhydian Roberts from 2007 - he's never had a hit single, but his album did well.

Oddly, Simon Cowell passed on JLS. The band are now signed to Epic, who clearly see a future for them as a boyband operating vaguely in the area of Timbaland and Justin Timberlake. The single, "Beat Again", is actually quite decent.

And then you see the video.



JLS were never exactly the greatest dancers in the world, so the decision to stick them on a sound stage and point a camera at them for three minutes was highly questionable to start with. This is some of the most ragged "synchronised" dancing I've seen in a video since "C'est La Vie." And at least the editor bent over backwards to disguise that. (But I direct your attention to the 2:05 mark for some of the worst Irish dancing you'll ever see.)



To be fair, though, it's not just that JLS aren't very good dancers - this video has the sort of choreography I thought had been banished in 1986. Grabbing the heart... just about excusable. Pointing at the wrist to signify time, though? Lying down at the mention of death? Oh god.

Lost for words, I called Susi over to look at this thing, and I can't really beat her description: it's the sort of dance routine that people come up with for an A-level performing arts exam. Wow. The label have given them the right material, they've given them the right promotion... and then they give them this video. It doesn't seem to have done too much harm, to be fair. This is one of the fastest-selling singles of the year. But god, the video is way off the mark.

In fairness, though, it's far from the worst video I've seen this week. Behold Alina Puscau's "When You Leave". It's awful in ways that defy all common sense. (And stick with it, because it gets even more horrible after the 2 minute mark, when it unveils its third and worst idea.)

Number 1s of 2009: 5 July 2009

Last week, La Roux's "Bulletproof" entered at number one, and nobody noticed, because they all too busy listening to old Michael Jackson records. Six of them entered the chart last week, on the strength of two days of download sales. "Man in the Mirror", last week's number 11, was generally assumed to be the frontrunner, and was indeed leading the iTunes chart for a couple of days. But the Jackson sales slacked off as the week went on, and as it turns out, the song only climbs to number 2. That was probably its only shot.

However, a bunch of other Michael Jackson singles also climb. That gives him a total of 13 tracks on this week's top 40, shattering the previous record (which stood at either 6 or 7, depending on your tolerance for dodgy late-50s charts - see last week's post for more details). Counting Jacksons singles, he has a staggering 26 entries on the top 75. The previous records were set in the pre-download era, and Jackson is the first megastar whose back catalogue was readily available on his sudden death. This record will stand for the foreseeable future; it's not unbeatable, but I don't see it happening except in similar circumstances, and even then for an artist with the profile and back catalogue of a Madonna or a Paul McCartney.

But even without Michael Jackson, the number 1 slot still changes hands for the fifth week running. And this week's lucky winner is...



...Cascada, "Evacuate the Dancefloor." They're a German dance/pop act (lead singer Natalie Horler has British parents, but she was born in Germany). This is their sixth top 40 hit, and their first number 1, in a chart history that goes back to 2004. They're probably best known for the thumping 2005 single "Everytime We Touch", which was a number 2 hit in Britain, and even made the top 10 in America - unusual for a Euro-dance record.



Now, I rather like "Everytime We Touch." It's got a great tune. It is unrepentantly anthemic. It gets to the point. By thirty seconds in, it's as subtle as a brick to the face. And then, at the one minute mark, it reaches for a second brick. Awesome. And "What Hurts the Most" (number 10 in 2007) isn't bad either, once it gets going, in a thudding sort of way.



On the other hand, they also tend to make treacly ballad versions of their songs, for airplay on channels that wouldn't touch dance music. Here's "Everytime we Touch" with fullbore piano-driven sincerity. It's awful. And some of their upbeat tracks are a bit dodgy too - their cover of Savage Garden's "Truly Madly Deeply" is very questionable.

"Evacuate the Dancefloor" is somewhere in the middle. It's trying a bit hard to be a Proper Song for my tastes, and ends up with a verse that sounds like a Britney Spears B-side. The chorus isn't bad, but it's not their best. Still, they've been around long enough that I can't really begrudge them their moment in the sun.

Oh, and unless I'm forgetting someone, I believe this is the first German record to reach number 1 since "Loneliness" by Tomcraft in 2003. I recall the UK mix being slightly different to this, but this is the only one YouTube and DailyMotion seem to have.

Playlist: God Help The Girl

I've been listening to Stuart Murdoch's "God Help The Girl" album repeatedly the last couple of days, so let's give it some publicity.

Murdoch is the lead singer of Belle & Sebastian, and "God Help The Girl" is going to be a film musical. He hasn't made it yet. But he has released the soundtrack album, mostly original songs with a couple of B&S covers given an orchestral polish. He also apparently ran open online auditions to find singers; that's where he found Brittany Stallings, who does the lead vocal on this version of "Funny Little Frog."



Do pay attention to the lyrics, it's worth it. Belle & Sebastian's version got to number 13 in 2006, and their video makes the point a little more clearly than GHTG's project trailer.

Number 1s of 2009: 28 June 2009

Everyone knows that when a major star dies, his records start flying off the shelves. And now that the UK singles chart counts downloads of individual album tracks as "singles", it's easier than ever for old records to make the chart thanks to a spontaneous surge of interest. As long as it's floating around iTunes on a compilation somewhere, it could theoretically chart at any time.

So when Michael Jackson died last week, a lot of people assumed that there was guaranteed to be a Jackson single at number one. What they got was La Roux, "Bulletproof".



(Incidentally, if you'd prefer to see it in the correct aspect ratio, here's the YouTube link. Which isn't embeddable, even though the equally official version on Daily Motion is. Don't ask me.)

La Roux are the duo of Elly Jackson, who's in the video, and Ben Langmaid, who has taken the traditional synth duo role of "standing motionless in the background" to its logical extreme by vanishing almost completely from the band's public profile. This has led to plenty of Blondie-style confusion about whether "La Roux" is supposed to be the name of the woman in the videos... but officially, it isn't.

They are, of course, 80s revivalists. It's somewhat ironic to see people deliberately re-creating a style of music which was driven in part by the technical limitations of early synths. But of course, if you're too young to remember it, it won't sound dated. And, after all, this stuff is getting on for 30 years old.

There's a lot of this around at the moment; a lot of year-end predictions had 2009 pencilled in as the year of the "electrogirl", mostly because a glance at the release schedules showed that La Roux, Lady Gaga and Little Boots all had albums out soon. Lady Gaga has done very well for herself indeed. La Roux are on their third single - the first, "Quicksand", failed to chart, but "In For The Kill" did very well earlier in the year, spending four straight weeks at Number 2. I'm not sure "Bulletproof" is quite as good, but it's a grower.

And then there's Little Boots, who might be giving her record label cause for concern. Despite ample quantities of hype, her first proper single "New In Town" stalled at number 13 before exiting the top 40 after four weeks. Odd, since it's quite a good record.



So what happened to Michael Jackson?

Well, the UK charts are calculated over a week's sales, from Sunday to Saturday. Since the news of Jackson's death came out late on Thursday night, there were only two days for the download sales to mount up. But on top of that, he has such a big back catalogue that a lot of people went for the greatest hits album instead. And the Number 1 on the album charts is indeed Jackson's album "Number Ones." That would be American number 1s, presumably, since he only had seven in the UK.

Those people who wanted to download a single had plenty to choose from, splitting the vote. The most popular was "Man in the Mirror" at number 11 - an unexpected choice, since it didn't even make the top 20 on its original release. It will climb this week, and it will challenge for number 1. To judge from the iTunes chart, sales have tailed off a bit, but he might well get there on the strength of a surge of sales on Sunday and Monday.

In total, six Michael Jackson singles made the top 40. Technically, the record for most appearances on a single chart stands at seven and is held by Elvis Presley - but it doesn't really count, because it was on a wonky late-fifties chart where the A- and B-sides of three singles were inexplicably listed separately. Despite having seven chart placings, he actually only had four singles on the chart. Disregard that, and Jackson matches the record set by, er, Elvis Presley again, this time in early 2005 when his record label decided to re-issue all his old singles on a weekly schedule.

Those casting around for an unequivocal piece of record-breaking will have to satisfy themselves by noting that Jackson had sixteen singles in the top 75, plus four singles by the Jackson 5. Nobody really cares about numbers 41-75, but technically they're part of the official chart. And 20 singles in the top 75 is unprecedented - the previous record was thirteen, set by the Jam, of all people, whose entire back catalogue was reissued when they disbanded in 1983. And since Wikipedia tells me that the Jam never even grazed the US chart, here's "Going Underground" and "A Town Called Malice", number 1 hits in 1980 and 1982.

Number 1s of 2009: 21 June 2009

I have no idea what the deal is here, but for some reason, while YouTube won't show me the official video for this song on the artist's channel, it will give me a version of the song accompanied by a rotating graphic, which is, in fact, embeddable. That makes so little sense that I'm assuming it's an error rather than an intentional decision to exclude the video from the UK. So here's a version posted by someone else instead.



This is "When Love Takes Over" by David Guetta featuring Kelly Rowland. It's a very radio-friendly song, and they've been hyping it for some time. It was supposed to go straight in at number one this week. But the record label dragged it out for so long that a couple of spoiler versions started climbing the iTunes chart , resulting in a hasty midweek release that landed the single at number 7 last week. (The Airi L spoiler version still made it to number 22, but has now vanished altogether.)

Kelly Rowland, formerly of Destiny's Child, has the misfortune to have seen her solo career entirely overshadowed by Beyonce Knowles. In fact, her singles have generally done okay, but somehow she hasn't managed to acquire Beyonce's star aura. Even so, it's her fourth UK number one. Kind of. It depends whether you count her two number 1s with Destiny's Child, "Independent Women" in 2000 and "Survivor" in 2001. The third was "Dilemma", her collaboration with Nelly from 2002. And to be fair, her solo career has racked up another four top-5 hits. Yet she doesn't have the A-list aura about her. Moving to dance music might be a smart move, switching genres to escape the comparisons with her more successful ex-colleague.

She is, however, only the guest vocalist on this track. It's the lead single from the new album by French producer David Guetta, who's been around for the better part of a decade. He's yet to put in an appearance on the Billboard Hot 100 (though that could change with this single), and his chart record in Britain is somewhat spotty. Like many dance acts, rather than having a loyal fanbase, his singles sell according to their individual merits.

This is his first UK number 1. His previous biggest hit was "Love Don't Let Me Go (Walking Away)", credited to David Guetta versus the Egg, which reached number 3 in 2006.



But it's slightly debatable whether this really counts, because the single is a mash-up. The backing track comes from the Tocadisco remix of "Walking Away" by the Egg, a record which never made the top 40. The vocals are by Chris Willis, Guetta's regular vocalist, and come from Guetta's single "Love Don't Let Me Go" (number 19 in 2001).



Guetta's other previous top ten hit was "Love Is Gone", another collaboration from 2007, which only reached number 9, but seemed to crop up on video channels forever. I've still not sure quite what to make of the video, which seems unsure whether it's trying to be arty or lowbrow, and ends up not quite being either.



Since "When Love Takes Over" had enough interest to generate spoiler versions, I suspect it's going to be number one for a while yet. Good news for Kelly Rowland's profile.

Number 1s of 2009: 14 June 2009

Just one week for the Black Eyed Peas' comeback, thankfully.



Pixie Lott, "Mama Do (Uh Oh, Uh Oh)"

Eighteen-year-old Pixie Lott is a stage school kid from Kent, and is something of a project for Mercury Records, who have been working very hard to hype her up as the next big thing. Her real name is Victoria, but evidently "Pixie" has been deemed more memorable. Which it is, but it also makes her sound like some sort of cloyingly irritating child-woman. Perhaps that's what they were going for. I don't know.

She's been drifting around major record labels in development for a couple of years now, and frankly, much of the hype for her only served to make me mentally file her under "Irritating" before I'd actually heard any of her music. This is her first single.

But what does she sound like?

Well, she sounds like Duffy. More or less.

All that said... this record is growing on me. She does have a good voice, and if we're going to have a bunch of Duffy-type acts... well, that's not an unappealing prospect, really. It's got a good hook, it's got a strong chorus, it's a decently crafted song. I can't ever shake the feeling that it's been consciously built to a commercial formula, but at least it's been built well, and at least the formula is a good one.

The hype has evidently paid off, and the demand for this sort of music evidently remains underserved, as the record goes straight to number one. There was a time when entering at number one with your first chart single put you in a rarefied company. Not counting Al Martino, who was number one on the very first chart back in 1952, it took 42 years before anyone managed to start their chart career by going straight in at number one. (Band Aid don't count, because everyone on that record had had a hit single already.) Unfortunately, this was the record in question:



Since then, the rise of pre-release hype, the increasing numbers of one-off dance hits, and the convention of talent show winners releasing a coronation single have made it relatively commonplace for artists to begin their career with a new entry at number 1. The full list makes rather uninspiring reading. Yes, there's the Arctic Monkeys, Gnarls Barkley, S Club 7, Daniel Bedingfield, Britney Spears and the Ting Tings... but there's also a lot of stuff like this.



"Gym and Tonic" by Spacedust, which has the curious distinction of being the lowest-selling number 1 of 1998 (it didn't even make the year-end top 100). You can't get too worked up about being on a list with them, I think.

Curiously, Pixie Lott is listed twice on this week's chart, despite only having released one single. She's also at number 52 with "Use Somebody", a Kings of Leon cover. It's the B-side, but apparently people are downloading it as a stand-alone track. This is very odd, since it's cheaper to buy both tracks together (which, under chart rules, would register as a sale of the "Mama Do" single). Either "Use Somebody" is picking up sales in its own right from people who aren't interested in the A-side or, perhaps more plausibly, people are buying the A-side and then coming back later to buy the B-side.

Number 1s of 2009: 7 June 2009

Oh dear.



That, unfortunately, is "Boom Boom Pow" by the Black Eyed Peas, returning to number 1 for a second run after a two week break. I can't say it's growing on me.

Still, at least it means there's now something peripherally interesting about the record. Not many singles return to number 1 for a second run. It didn't happen at all in the 1970s, or the 1980s. It's been more common over the last couple of decades. I suppose that's because the hype-driven market in the pre-download era led to more one-week wonders which, from time to time, would briefly overtake a number 1 with genuine staying power, before flaring out almost immediately.

Since 1990, eleven other singles have managed to return to the top. And here they are. (Take note, pub quiz fans.) I've linked to the videos, but I'll embed some of the ones that did nothing in America.

1. Shakira featuring Wyclef Jean, "Hips Don't Lie" was number one for a single week in July 2006, before returning to the top for the whole of August. The records in the middle were "Smile" by Lily Allen (rather good), and a McFly double A-side, "Please Please"/"Don't Stop Me Now" (almost totally forgotten, but it was a charity single for Sport Relief).

2. Eric Prydz, "Call On Me" A Europe-wide dance hit with a video that spawned a bunch of imitators paying similar lip-service to the concept of irony. (One even hired the same dancers.) The sample is from "Valerie" by Steve Winwood. It was number 1 in October 2004. The interrupting single was "Radio" by Robbie Williams, which I haven't heard in ages, but it's one of his better ones.



3. Daniel Bedingfield, "Gotta Get Thru This." This UK garage record kickstarted the career of New Zealand songwriter Daniel Bedingfield, who subsequently turned out to be more of an MOR balladeer. He hasn't released anything since 2005, but his sister Natasha seems to have taken his place. "Gotta Get Thru This" was number one at Christmas/New Year 2001-2, and the interrupting single was the Christmas release "Somethin' Stupid" by Robbie Williams and Nicole Kidman.

4. S Club 7, "Don't Stop Movin'" S Club 7 were a Monkees-style pseudo-band created for a BBC children's show, but they did have some reasonably good material. Occasionally. Strangely, their only American hit was "Never Had A Dream Come True" (no, me neither), but they did have international success in Australasia and parts of Europe. One of them, Rachel Stevens, went on to a middling career as a solo artist. "Don't Stop Movin" was a hit in spring 2001, and the interrupting single was "It's Raining Men" by Geri Halliwell.



5. All Saints, "Under the Bridge"/"Lady Marmalade" Girl band All Saints were huge in the late nineties, and this was the second of their five number 1 singles. Their only significant American hit was the previous single, "Never Ever". Good choice, America. There's really no excuse for this plodding R&B rendition of the Red Hot Chili Peppers classic. Their version of "Lady Marmalade" is better, but hardly essential, and nobody's felt the need to play it since Moulin Rouge came out. The videos are designed to be watched back to back, and were actually given a cinema release as a supporting feature - they were booed when I saw them. The band's career eventually sputtered out in a disastrously unsuccessful film, and an attempted relaunch in 2006 got nowhere.




This self-proclaimed epic was number 1 in May 1998. The interrupting record was "Turn Back Time" by Aqua, the theme tune to romantic comedy Sliding Doors.

6. Celine Dion, "My Heart Will Go On", from February and March 1998. As everyone knows, this is the theme to Titanic. I can't stand it. The records in the middle were "Frozen" by Madonna, and the video below, "Brimful of Asha" by Cornershop (on the strength of the Norman Cook remix, of course).



7. Various artists, "Perfect Day." In 1997, the BBC made a promotional schedule-filler video about how great their music coverage was, and roped in a whole load of singers to take part. For reasons which remain somewhat obscure, the song they chose was Lou Reed's drug anthem "Perfect Day." (The subtext may have been missed.) By genuine public demand, the record was released as a charity single for Christmas 1997, and returned to the top in New Year 1998. It's a very strange record, but for some reason Middle England was enchanted.



The interrupting singles were "Too Much" by the Spice Girls and this pester-powered classic.



8. Puff Daddy & Faith Evans, "I'll Be Missing You." The summer 1997 tribute to the late Notorious B.I.G., inexplicably commemorated with a cover version of a song about stalkers. As the British mainstream record-buyer had been wholly indifferent to him in life, this record presumably sold on its perceived intrinsic merits. The interrupting single was "D'You Know What I Mean" by Oasis (the one that sounds like all the other ones).

9-10. The Fugees, "Killing Me Softly" / David Baddiel, Frank Skinner & The Lightning Seeds, "Three Lions." These two singles actually alternated back and forth in summer 1996, and so they hold the unique distinction of interrupting each other's runs at the top. Most people will remember "Killing Me Softly", the Fugees' cover of an old Roberta Flack song. Those outside Britain will probably be unfamiliar with "Three Lions", the official song of the England team for the Euro 96 tournament. With lyrics by comedians Baddiel and Skinner (who were hosting a football comedy show at the time), set to music by the Lightning Seeds, it's actually a surprisingly good song about England fans clinging on to hope even though they haven't won anything in years. For any Americans who might be wondering, the "Jules Rimet" is what the World Cup was called back in the sixties, when England had last won it.



11. Mr Blobby, "Mr Blobby." Less-than-fondly-remembered 1993 novelty single spawned by Noel Edmonds' Saturday evening family entertainment show. Mr Blobby was meant to be a parody of badly-conceived novelty characters, but was so inexplicably popular that he simply became one in his own right. The record that interrupted his run, bizarrely, was "Babe" by Take That, which only managed to stall the novelty juggernaut for a week. What were people thinking when they paid money for this?